Reclaim Your Sensuality: How to Channel the Confidence of a Courtesan
Do you ever look at other women and think,
"Damn, I wish I was that confident and comfortable in my own skin?"
The kind of woman who holds a presence in the room that you can’t quite put your finger on?
She’s alluring, she has an energy that makes her interesting and you want to find out more. Everyone seems to want to know more, but somehow she’s unattainable - and the person she’s giving her attention to feels like the luckiest person in the room.
Now to be clear, I’m not just talking about sexually. This woman might not even be the most beautiful or attractive, but she has a something. And she knows it without arrogance.
What if the secret to unlocking your feminine empowerment or sensual confidence wasn’t about becoming someone new - to being this woman - but remembering who you already are? The version of you that’s bolder, sexier, and unapologetically YOU?
If this interests you, allow me introduce you to the courtesan archetype. But before you picture silk sheets and whispered sonnets, hold up—this is about more than just seduction. It’s about living fully, boldly, and with a fire in your belly that says,
I know exactly who the fuck I am.
This minx has been intriguing to me ever since I acquainted myself with her more real definition within the book Pussy; A Reclaimation of Power (Regena Thomashauer). Let me tell you—Courtesan doesn’t do half-measures. She’s helped me reclaim pleasure, confidence, and a life where I own every space I walk into.
What Exactly Is a Courtesan (and Why Should You Care)?
When we look at feminine power throughout history, the courtesan wasn’t just a woman who dazzled with her beauty. She was the complete package: intelligent, witty, creative, and seductive. She knew how to command attention with both her presence and her intellect. In a world that tries to shrink us, the courtesan says, Fuck that—I’m taking up space.
For modern women like us, embracing this archetype means unleashing our full power, blending our sensuality with our smarts, and feeling sexy in a way that comes from within—not from someone else’s approval.
Does that feel good to you, too??
Breaking Free from the Bullshit Messaging
Like many women, I grew up hearing messages that tried to clip my wings. Confidence? Careful—don’t be too much. Desire? Dangerous. Sensuality? Only for the lucky few who "look the part."
Then, along came mentors from afar like Mama Gena, Dr Patti Britton and Layla Martin, who shook me awake and reminded me that my sensuality isn’t a liability—it’s my damn birthright. I started to see how much power we give away when we downplay or deny our desires, and to be frank, I’m done with that.
How I Stepped Into My Power
Embracing my inner courtesan wasn’t about slapping on red lipstick and calling it a day (but trust me, that does help). It was about shifting my mindset and learning to elevate the parts of me that had always been there. Here’s how:
1. The Art of Adornment
Are you a ‘save for best’ kinda gal? I confess I am, but I’m relearning the practice because every day is a fucking blessing and we should enjoy all the lovely things. No more saving my favourite lingerie, leopard print, heels or that ‘knock ‘em dead’ perfume for special occasions. I am the occasion. I wear what makes me feel powerful every damn day. Just to clarify - I do not step out like Kate Moss every day, but I adorn myself with the clothes that make me feel great on that day - even if that’s my trusty jeans and Converse.
2. Pleasure as a Daily Practice
I make time for little indulgences—like savouring a piece of dark chocolate, stretching luxuriously in the morning, or taking a shower that lasts way longer than it should. These moments remind me that pleasure isn’t something to earn—it’s something to embrace. I speak of these as being Glimmers - the small sparks of joy that all contribute to joy and pleasure that are different for every person. I deserve them and so do you.
3. Movement That Makes Me Feel Alive
Burlesque. Yoga. Sensual movement practices. Dancing in the kitchen. Walking along the river to the beat of whatever funky music moves me on that day. These are all confidence boosting activities that have me feeling like the main character of my own story. I started moving my body not for how it looks, but for how it feels. Moving feels good, especially when you feel sluggish. In my Dealing With Stress course, I explain about how and why getting rid of stagnent energy not only feels good but is beneficial for your mental and physical health.
4. Owning My Desires
Desire isn’t dirty, and it isn’t something to hide.
I have stopped apologising for what I wanted—whether it was in the bedroom, my career, or life in general. I started asking for it and feeling unapologetic about verbalising or pursuing my needs. I can tell you, it feels really empowering which, I think, is sexy AF.
5. Knowing my No’s
Wait. It’s sexy to say ‘no’? Absolutely it is! As a sex coach, I often tell people
“how can you know what your full body yes’s are if you don’t recognise and acknowledge your No’s?”
Being a sexually empowered woman is not about saying yes to everything. The empowerment comes from choosing the things that feel good and sacking off the rest.
When you develop this practice, you will see just how pleasurable a Full Body Yes is.
During my empowering boudoir photography shoot with Photo Nottingham, I wasn’t just posing for the camera. I was stepping into my courtesan energy: confident, sensual, powerful. It was not so much about the perfect angle or lighting—it was about claiming my body and my story on my terms. You can read about it here.
This experience wasn’t about becoming someone else. It was about remembering who I am when I stop holding back. And you know what? That’s when the magic happens.
What Would It Look Like for YOU to Unleash Your Courtesan?
If you’re ready to tap into your inner courtesan and awaken your own feminine energy, here’s a little secret: she’s already there. She’s just waiting for you to give her permission to play.
And if you’re craving a space where you can explore this energy with like-minded women, I’ve created something just for you. My weekly newsletter, Sass and Sparkle Sanctuary, is a space where I share the real, unfiltered journey—because while people often tell me they admire my confidence and energy, I want you to know that I have rough days too. The difference? I’ve learned practices that help me reconnect, and I want to share them with you.
This isn’t about fixing yourself or striving for perfection. It’s about finding what makes you feel radiant, strong, and unapologetically yourself—regardless of life stage or aesthetics. If that speaks to you, come join us. Let’s make this your most empowered year yet.
What bold, daring move can you make today to honour your inner courtesan?
Go ahead—I dare you.
with pleasure,
If this blog has resonated with you, you might also enjoy reading
Leopard Print is my Superpower - and could be yours too
