Flip the triggers on their arse, find the glimmers

I was talking with some really great people and one mentioned feelings of overwhelm. The conversation wasn't specifically about sex, but you know what? As an experienced yoga teacher and a certified sex coach, I have a knack of being able to draw things full circle.

For me, overwhelm sits under the same umbrella as stress and unhelpful thoughts as a commonly occurring subject when I talk with women (& men!) about their oh-oh-ooh moments.

Or more specifically, their lack of oh-oh-ooh moments because of overwhelm and stressful feelings.

Do unhelpful thoughts get in YOUR way of orgasm??

We talk a lot about things being a trigger for stress, don't we? It's a bit of a buzz word in the self-help world. (Which is my world, I love it - there's always room to grow, right?)

It's a good idea to understand what things trigger us and if we're in a partnered relationship, a good idea to have an awareness of their triggers, too.

(Side note, we shouldn't feel that we're our partner's therapist, nor are they yours. There are professionals for that schizz - talking therapy's a sexy thing to do for your emotional wellbeing, ok?)

Triggers are those sometimes unavoidable moments that piss you off or replay in your head at bedtime, ghosting of arguments or poor body confidence that have you feeling less than your sexiest self.

Stress is a natural bodily function that has its valuable place and is necessary, but it can become unhelpful in some circumstances if you don't know how to help yourself through it. In which case, my Dealing with Stress online course might be of interest to you.

But let's flip the triggers on their arse, shall we??

Allow me to introduce you to,

✨ Glimmers ✨

In a day-to-day context glimmers can be;

😇 the moments you enjoy putting your feet up with a cup of tea

😇 the cute puppy you saw playing in the park

😇 your favourite song on the radio.

they spark joy and happiness in you for no reason other than you notice them. They may even only last for a fraction of a second.

In the more devious context that you've come to expect from me (you're welcome!);

😈 indulging in naughty erotica (🙋🏼‍♀️ guilty)

😈 feeling a flush of a turn-on when watching the TV

😈 the tingle of tight jeans rubbing against your clit when you sit in a business meeting (🙋🏼‍♀️ also guilty)

they spark turn-on and sexual pleasure in you for no reason other than you notice them. They may even only last for a fraction of a second.

Glimmers are unique to you, the innocent ones and the saucy. But the magic is that finding pleasure in even the 'innocent' ones will INCREASE your capacity for the saucy ones.

It's all connected, baby!!

How can you keep your sexiness alive?

Even if you don't do anything about it (maybe you're walking in the park or sitting on the bus and they'll both be a no-no for doing the doodah 👮🏼), feeling the flush of a turn-on will

🔥 keep those horny hormones flowing through

🔥 keep the blood pumping where it needs to be pumped and

🔥 literally vitalising or keeping the spark going through your nervous system, which will take all the sexy signals up to your brain when you do do the doodah.

Add all of those teeny glimmers up together, babe, and what have you got?

A whole firework party of glimmers even if they don't result in a screaming orgasm.

Simply having the glimmers will keep the ol' sexy system working just peachy because there's truth in the saying 'use it or lose it' when it comes to the bedtime bachata.

So here's the secret sauce for how you do it;

notice the glimmers - the innocent AND the devious - and make them speak louder to you than the triggers.

If you happen to live in Nottingham and you like this kind of sexy talk, I'm making plans for some in-person events, so subscribe to my email newsletters because I'll be sharing some info really soon 🤩

Now, go forth and sparkle all over the bloody place!

✨ ✨ ✨

with pleasure,

I really hope this has given you a sparkle or a tingle of curiosity. If you have enjoyed reading this post, you might also enjoy reading

My poor body image is killing my orgasms

How can I stop being so distracted during sex?

Ladies, do you notice the sensations of sexual arousal?