Helpful things to know about STI's

Sex is such a vast and diverse topic and let’s face it, it affects everyone in a multitude of different shades of ways because it’s so damned personal.

The road to sexual ecstasy, satisfaction or just plain old “ANYTHING will do because I feel so disconnected” can often be a tricky road to travel. I promise you that despite what you see in films, porn videos, or even your best friend's social media account, at some point in everyone’s life, we all hit bumps in the road in regard to our desire, performance, or even sexual health. It’s quite natural and it’s ok.

Sometimes, it becomes necessary to look for some help or advice. That is also quite natural and it’s more than ok.

There are lots of people who profess to be an expert in sex, but I urge you to seek the advice of a professional who has been properly trained and educated in this arena.

Just because someone has had good sex, bad sex or a lot of sex, it doesn’t necessarily make them the expert for your concerns.

My gorgeous one, credentials are key.

If you are interested to work with me, you should know I am a self-confessed study geek - bits of paper with my name on turn me on. If there’s something I’m interested in, I want to study it and I want that piece of paper as my reward, so for complete transparency, you can see a peep show about me and to see some of my bits of paper

When the bump in the road might be a physical complication like an STI, what should you do?

This is not intended to be a lengthy medical document, nor will I go into the ins and outs of conditions, but I want to talk about and normalise the discussion around STI’s - what they are and what to do about them, but before we jump between the sheets I need to absolutely underline, I am not a doctor

if you have ANY concerns of your physical health ALWAYS get it checked out as soon as possible

I am based in the UK so any references I offer will be UK-based but I know you’re intelligent enough to seek help in your country of residence.

An STI, as you will probably know, is a Sexually Transmitted Infection, and in the field of sexology is its preferred name as opposed to STD (sexually transmitted disease). Our bodies are gloriously filled with all manner of warm fluids, which provide a cosy habitat for lots of things like bacteria and viruses.

When we have any kind of sex where body fluids can be exchanged, we can also unwittingly provide carriage into the body or our partner(s). Simples, right?

This can happen when we have any kind of sex - it is not limited to penile-vaginal penetration and it is not limited to heterosexual relationships.

Any activity where sex toys are shared (FYI they should be covered with a fresh condom before use on each partner) and yes, that’s right - anal sex can transmit STI’s as can oral sex.

Condoms and dental dams are a really wise idea, especially with a new partner.

According to the NHS, the most common STI’s are Chlamydia, particularly in sexually active young adults under the age of 25, and there are also Gonorrhoea, Trichomoniasis, Genital warts, Genital herpes, Pubic lice, Scabies, and Syphilis to name but a few. (This list is not exhaustive.)

When should I get tested?

Always seek medical advice if you notice any unusual discharge from the vagina, penis or anus, any itching or bleeding, discomfort when peeing, lumps, growths, blisters or sores anywhere in the genital regions. An important thing to note is that young adults under 25 who are sexually active should be tested regularly for chlamydia - annually is the NHS recommendation or when you have changed or had a different partner.

• It's also worth having yourself tested if you find yourself on the arse-end of a cheating scenario and I send you my love if you should ever find yourself there.

What should you do if you find out your teen or young adult child has been tested for STI?

Give them a bloody pat on the back, that’s what!!

Talk to them.

Sexual relationships can sometimes be confusing and the last thing they need is a lecture, but perhaps they might need an ear. Listen without judgement and as a parent, make sure they have access to factual information and helpful resources rather than them picking up information from sources which may or may not be helpful.

High kudos to you if you keep a stock of condoms or dental damns in the house.

A beautiful friend of mine does exactly this for her young adult daughter and her friends; she keeps a bowl of condoms in the cupboard and tells the girls,

"grab some on your way out, you can put them back for next time if you don't need them"

Sexual health is personal responsibility and hugely empowering. I’m sure you want your young adult to have those things too, right? If you need some support with any kind of conversations, you can hit me up, because as a sex educator in schools, I've been there, seen it, and done it.

There’s a lot of mention of young folk and I don’t want to give them a bad wrap.

We oldies - ie, those of us who are over 25, have sex, too.

Yes kids, we do.

#sorrynotsorry.

If you notice symptoms and take yourself off to be tested for a sexually transmitted - yay for you!

You are taking control of your health concerns and that’s to be celebrated. Make sure any partnered sex or oral sex is with a condom or dental dam until you receive your results. Makes sense, right?

You can find your nearest sexual health clinic on the NHS website.

Getting time off work for such things can be a ball-ache, so it's useful to know that you can have STI testing by mail, which is convenient, discreet, accurate, and from some providers, free. You can take a look Superdrug, SH:24, or freetestme, but a simple Google search is all it takes to find more.

If you test positive for an STI

And if you do happen to test positive for a sexually transmitted infection, your medical professional will provide the best advice and treatment for you, which of course, you should follow to the letter.

Now, this might be a bit of a shitty piece of news to receive so here’s something to sweeten - you could take this as your opportunity to indulge in the delights of solo sex or play around with different types of condoms for partnered or oral sex until your treatment has been completed and the infection has gone.

Solo sex is not the booby prize, I assure you. You can make it as delightfully toe-curling as you want it to be - you could even indulge with a partner. It’s just best to make sure the infection doesn’t carry on it’s merry way going back and forward between people.

It goes without saying that your partner(s) should be tested as well.

What if you’ve had multiple partners or casual partners? If there’s a possibility that the infection could keep bouncing around between people unknowingly, you need to let them know.

Awkward? Yeah, it might be.

But babe, great sex is also about great communication.

Have the awkward conversation!

When was MY last STI test?

I want you to know that I walk the walk and talk the talk. On writing this, my last STI test was two months ago (and all was clear as I expected.)

I have absolutely ZERO shame in maintaining my sexual health.

Testing for STI’s does not need to be scary, but I do get that it can feel daunting, especially if it’s something you haven’t had to have on your radar for a while.

What I mean by this is, it’s something you need to be aware of if you have transitioned out of a long-term relationship and are back on the dating scene. It’s also a key consideration if you have had the experience of having a partner being sexually active with another person without your knowledge or if you partake in multi-partner play or open relationships.

Your sexual health and pleasure is always your responsibility and that is so bloody empowering!!

I want you to feel super confident and empowered with all things about your body and I can offer you support with this.

If you happen to be Nottingham-based, I am more than happy to accompany you the GU Clinic and be your companion and cheerleader all the way. All you have to do is get in touch with me using the button down below and together we can help you on your way.

with pleasure,

I really hope this has given you a sparkle or a tingle of curiosity. If you have enjoyed reading this post, you might also enjoy reading

Why regular sex check-ins are a great idea

Top tips if you're new to group sex

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