AKA: sexy words for real people who want to level-up their intimacy game

Let’s be Frank.

'Cos Frank's cool.

If you’ve ever tried to “talk dirty” and immediately felt like you were reading the script of a bad porn film, you’re not alone. For lots of women (and men!), dirty talk can have your toes curling.

And not in a good way.

But what if I told you it doesn’t have to be?

Some time ago, I was asked to give my opinion on an article that was being published in Men's Health magazine, and having worked with many male clients, I can tell you that a lot of men would like to hear their female partners talk mucky. But guess what?

Female clients tell me that talking dirty makes them feel awkward, silly, and they don't know what to say.

Why dirty talk feels so awkward (Pssst! It's not you)

We’ve grown up being told not to talk about sex. It’s been hush-hush, taboo, or the punchline of awkward jokes. So no wonder the idea of narrating your naughtiness feels unnatural.

Add to that the fear of being laughed at, sounding like a prat, or saying the wrong thing, and it’s no surprise so many of us go silent in the bedroom.

But words, when used right, can be fiercely sexy.

What Dirty Talk Can Actually Do for Your Sex Life

Here’s the good bit: using your voice during sex can supercharge arousal for both of you. If your partner leans into visual stimulation (spoiler: many do), then combining movement and sensation with a narrative? That’s your 4K upgrade, baby.

Descriptive, hot, and emotionally connected dirty talk adds depth to your experience. It’s not just about sounding sexy, it’s about feeling confident, creating connection, and having the courage to try something new. That’s intimacy.

And in case you needed permission: even a whisper of "that feels amazing" can make you feel more in your body and in the moment. Your partner? They’ll feel like an absolute legend.

Is Your Partner Into It? Ask. Yes, Really.

Talking about sex (outside of sex) is massively underrated. Try:

"How did it feel when I asked you to slow down last night?"

"Do you like it when I tell you what I enjoy during sex?"

You’ll get a better idea of where they stand. And might discover they’ve been waiting for you to bring this up.

Words Matter: Know Their (and Your) Comfort Zones

Everyone’s got different thresholds - a reality I've experienced during hundreds of hours of studying sexology and in session with my coaching clients. Some people are happy with “nice penis”, others are only turned on if “cock” is whispered between the sheets. It’s all context - and communication. Even when I'm speaking to a large group of people I can pick up the vibe of what kind of lingo is okay for individuals.

I like to use a ‘Yes, No, Maybe’ approach. Grouping words into categories like:

Anatomical (vulva, penis, clitoris)

Colloquial (bits, bum, boobs)

Slang (cock, pussy, tits, etc.)

You learn what you like to say, and what they like to hear. It’s honestly a game changer.

And don’t forget: a mini safe word can be a handy way to pull back without stopping the mood altogether. Some people use phrases like "pineapple" or "switch"—something that lets you gently reset.

(I'm using it as a juicy safe word here but fun fact: the pineapple is also a well-known symbol in non-monogamous circles - you'll normally see it positioned upside down. I'm just flagging it incase you say it as a safe word and your partner thinks you're bringing a whole different play game into the conversation...)

Top Tips to Get Started with Dirty Talk (Without Cringing)

Set your intention: Tell yourself you're trying something new for you  and maybe for your partner too.

Dim the lights: Lower lighting = less self-consciousness. Bonus: everyone looks banging in mood lighting.

Change your tone: A whisper can do more than a full sentence. Try it.

Start small: “Yes,” “Mmm,” “That feels so good” are simple and very effective.

Describe what’s happening: "Your skin feels amazing when I touch you like this." Easy. Real. Sexy.

And if this still feels daunting? That’s normal. A qualified sex coach (oh hi!) can help you practice in a safe, playful, non-judgemental way. Yep, I can role play with you to help you get used to the sound of the words coming out of your mouth until they flow with ease.

Sexy Talk Isn’t Just for Porn Stars

You don’t need to channel your inner adult film script. You just need to be you, turned on and tuned in. This is about enhancing your pleasure, not performing it.

So, if you’re someone who wants to feel more connected, more confident, and a little more ooh la la, try using your voice.

And if you're curious to explore more, join my Sass and Sparkle Sanctuary newsletter—a space for real women who want more connection, confidence, and unapologetic pleasure in their lives.

You in?

with pleasure

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