It's none of your business!

In my years of studying and practicing sexology, I know there are a lot of people who find it difficult to talk about sex because they feel they’re going to be judged or shamed.

And that kinda stinkin’ thinkin’ can keeps you from having the pleasure that you deserve.

💩

It’s a big deal to approach a certified professional like myself to talk about the things that turn my clients on because they think that people will judge them or think them weird.

So one of the first things I tell my clients is

“bravo for stepping up for this!”

In fact, this is one of the reasons that the majority of my clients work with me online - and from all corners of the globe - they prefer the ‘anonymity’ that the distance provides. They don’t want to bump into me in the supermarket or have Betty down the road seeing them enter the building to speak with me.

And this is how I get to work with people from Atlanta, London, New York, Manchester, Scotland, and other such wonderful places.

🌍

A key worry for them is that someone they know will find out what they do for kicks and will be gossiped about or be ostracised for their pleasure. It’s true that pleasure seems to go hand in hand with feelings of shame for many.

So what happens if you find out that someone has been gossiping about what you may or may not have been doing for your pleasure?

Does it bother or upset you?

I came up against it myself very recently,

“Lee-ann, I think you should know So-and-so said XYZ"

who’da guessed that being gobby on social media about sex would attract negative attention? Well, maybe I like XYZ 🤷🏼‍♀️

As an empowered woman, I get to choose where my attention goes. And you do, too.

The first thing I want to tell you is that what other people think of you is none of your business.

I’ll let that sink in.

What other people think of you is none of your business

What happens between consenting, grown-ass adults is feck all to do with anyone else.

👉🏼 Nobody is getting hurt (against their will)

👉🏼 Nobody is breaking the law

👉🏼 Nobody is damaging or violating another person’s rights

So it’s fuck all to do with anyone else.

No-one can tell you what to think or how to feel, they simply do not have the right. So neither do you have the right; they can think of you all they like.

Because no-one but you is going to advocate for your own pleasure or for the experiences you want to have in your life.

YOU are the expert of your own choices.

As you would expect, I do love a good toss

of a coin - and we must remember there are two sides

Do you ever find YOURSELF talking like this? Attributed to a Buddhist teaching (and also to a Bernard Meltzer quote) that anything that is said should first pass through 3 gates -

🎓 Is it true

🎓 Is it necessary

🎓 Is it kind?

👍🏻 It’s a good rule of thumb

Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.

~ Bernard Meltzer

Of course, it goes without saying that if you want to talk something through and could do with a helpful nudge or a hefty push towards one of your turn-ons, book yourself a Discovery Call with me and we'll see if we can get you merrily trotting off along the path of sexual satisfaction.

You can go ahead and seek your own pleasure, lil’ kitten, you don’t need to live your life to the expectations of others who do not walk in your shoes.

I hope you've enjoyed reading this - I would love to hear your thoughts! Perhaps you might also enjoy

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