Top 5 Sex Club Tips for Nervous Newbies

There are all sorts of discussions being held around the topic of different relationship dynamics and non-monogamy these days - I will cover some of them right here on this blog very soon. What we have always known is that people in long-term committed relationships sometimes stray or need something else sexually. Obviously, some of these situations can cause heartbreak.

But why might people stray or leave?

Cutting to the quick, there can be elements of boredom in the bedroom - and this is NOT to say that if you have experienced this, you must've been crap in bed.

I know that you are a hot, sexy mofo!

It is completely natural that human beings crave sexual excitement, variance, and diversity. Quite literally, it's brain fucking we're doing as well as bumping naughty bits together, because the brain is one of the biggest components in terms of our sexual pleasure. It's also where all of our brilliance occurs.

To learn and grow, we need to challenge and stimulate. Makes sense, right?

So how can we satisfy our need for variety and diversity in a way that works for us as solos or within a committed relationship dynamic?

Since the COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown, there's been an influx of couples wanting to try opening their relationship a smidge and have been visiting sex clubs.

Obviously opening any once monogamous relationship has a great many challenges because humans come equipped with things like feelings and attachment and insecurities. Obvs. So if this is something that you are thinking of introducing in your relationship or if you are a solo player curious about multi-partner play or hook-ups, hit me up because I can help you navigate the waters, lest you find yourself in the middle of a shark attack!

But, you've made the decision to try a sex club - come with me, there's fuckery to spread....

Top 5 Tips for Nervous Newbies

1. Do your research.

Are you heading to a swingers club, a kink fest, a dungeon? You’ll be pretty blown away if you arrive and see activity that you’re not expecting! You’ll want to know if there are special nights on. Some people find it more comfortable to go to a club outside of their normal locality so they can put a bit of distance between this new activity and people they might normally bump into.

Pro tip - more people than you realise indulge so it’s not uncommon for others to do the same. So if you’re travelling to a new area, familiarise yourself with it - especially with local taxi companies for the way home if you’re not driving.

2. Seek out forums or communities that go to the same club

You can get an honest opinion of what it's like to play in that particular playground that you will only get from an impartial visitor.

I would also highly recommend introducing yourself to the owners before you go. If you're local to Nottingham, you could check out our very own Purple Mamba Private Members Club - Amanda and Chris are very welcoming, very helpful - and very normal!

There are also great online forums where you can get to know people before heading to the club. Exploding onto the scene and pretty much taking lead place is SwingHub, The Ultimate Non-Monogamous Social Network - check it out.

These people really are best placed to answer questions specific to their venue and it’s far less daunting if you already have a connection when you arrive. Most club owners are super chuffed and proud of their fuck palaces and will gladly give you a tour to show you all the nooks and crannies and gadgets and gizmos. Helpfully, they can also introduce you to regulars so you have someone to chat with.

3. It’s ok to NOT have sex!

I'm going to put this in bold just to reiterate

You are not obligated to do anything with your body that you don’t want to!!

There have been many times I’ve gone along and enjoyed the vibe, had a chat, and come home.

(There have also been plenty of times I’ve gone alone, REALLY enjoyed the vibe, and left the building disheveled and in a daze!)

4. It's ok TO have sex!

If you’re going along as a solo, your tingle will tell you if you’re up for it - only engage with a person sexually to the extent of your own comfort and turn-on.

If you’re going along with your regular partner, be sure to be clear on each others level of comfort with the goings on - and of course, this should be pre-discussed. There is no point in one person trying to talk another person into something they don’t want to do.

Even in committed or long-term relationships, you are under no obligation to do something just because your partner wants to or wants you to.

Consent is absolute Queen in these environments.

5. Remember safe sex

Most reputable clubs will have toys and gadgets and gizmos a-plenty for you to play with, but they will also have condoms to have as well as lube.

If you’re playing in this arena, it goes without saying that everyone is responsible for their own sexual health so it’s prudent to also make sure that you regularly test for STI’s (sexually transmitted infections), and in the event that you do have an infection, get yourself treated, take precautions to not spread it around and disclose the information where you need to - ie, partners you’ve played with or have been in contact with.

Barrier methods like condoms are great when engaging in penetrative play, just remember that infections can be transmitted from mouth-to-genital contact as well, so consider using a condom for mouth-to-penis play or a dental dam for mouth-to-vulva or -anus play.

If you’re new around here, you’ll see that my blog is steadily growing in content so I will be cross-referencing other blogs so you can keep yourself well-informed and lubed up, so do keep checking back in or save this post if you want to hear more about what I might say on topics.

I would LOVE to know if any of this information has been useful - let me know!

with pleasure,

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