Ladies, do you notice the sensations of sexual arousal?
Ladies, do you notice the sensations of sexual arousal?
Do you really hear the tingle of your sexual arousal or is it simply too faint to notice?
Pull up your chair for a few minutes, grab a cuppa and I'll tell you a secret; for a long time, I didn't hear it. I simply wasn't able. And so I thought I had a problem with my libido.
I thought I had a sexual dysfunction
At one point, I even made appointments to see my GP because I assumed there was something wrong with me.
Raising two children, co-creating and selling a successful business, studying, and starting a new wellbeing business, I was busy all of the time and so often I just wasn't in the mood.
At bedtime, I just wanted to go to sleep.
Add to the mix mismatched desire patterns and expectations with my partner, and sex felt like a chore. I'm sorry to say, I often did it to tick it off the list and to keep my partner happy. Like so many,
lie back and think of England
Consequently, I began to resent physical intimacy. And so did he.
Life sometimes hides the most valuable lessons at the bottom of the biggest bucket of dog shit which is accompanied by a knife and fork.
Plainly put, if you want the treasure, you must chow down.
An excruciating period of marriage separation was my bucket, but the treasure I found during this time was the delightful rediscovery of my sexuality, sensuality and libido.
Seemingly all of a sudden
My sexual pleasure mattered!
Now I hear it.
The sparkle-like tingle I now acknowledge instead of ignore.
Do you recognise the internal signals your body is giving you?
Breast changes
When a female is sexually aroused, it's not uncommon for there to be changes in the boobs. They can feel fuller and heavier and the nipples can become erect, just like when you are cold.
Stuff happening 'down there'
Your vulva is beginning to ready itself for sexual activity - whether with a partner or not. You might notice your outer lips, or labia majora, feeling swollen or engorged. They and your inner lips, the labia minora, might have a slightly different colour or tone. Do you know that this happens quite naturally and normally at different points in your cycle and depending on your overall health? Do you ever take the time to notice? A separate blog post about this is coming soon - watch this space!
Your vulva might also feel juicy, slick with the natural lubrication that makes sex so slippy and slidey and fun. It increases the sensations and reduces friction - for both of you! At different parts of our lives, the levels of natural lubrication can vary - especially during & after pregnancy, peri- & post-menopause and even some medications may affect it so good news is there's a whole host of lubes you can play with.
(⚠️ If you're trying to conceive, be aware that some lubes also contain spermicide and if you're avoiding pregnancies, some lubes won't work with condoms, so read your labels, folks!)
Perhaps you might even notice your clitoris standing up and wanting to be noticed? Interesting fact; the clitoris is made of the same kind of tissues as a penis - and we're all aware that the penis will stand to attention when it's time to get it on!
Most of the structure of the clitoris is internal, but the glans is the small, beautiful part that we see peaking out from under the hood. There are 8000 nerve endings in the clitoris that are all concerned with receiving the pleasure sensations that are all yours, baby!
You can feel a tingle somewhere within the vulva area. This is my own personal signal which appears at different times and this is the signal that speaks the loudest to me. I feel it somewhere between my pelvic b bone and my lower stomach. I like to imagine it's around the area of my cervix 🥰 ✨
Facial changes
If you are in company, or if you are looking in a mirror (also hot), you might notice your pupils dilating and getting larger. Your cheeks might flush and your lips might become redder or darker and appear more plumper. These visual signals of arousal are what we are trying to subconsciously mimic when we apply makeup. Mascara gives the appearance of larger eyes, blusher, the flush of arousal, and lipstick for both the plumping and the mirroring of the lips of the vulva.
Breathing changes
Heaving breasts, and breathy gasps are synonymous with the final heady throes of orgasm and also the early stages of arousal. Your quickened breath is a signal that your heart is beating faster to take precious energy, blood, and nutrients to your naughty bits.
You might even like to try this freebie breathing exercise
How can you listen to your libido?
The number one thing I advise to my clients in the situation I found myself in is to prioritise pleasure and to get back into your body. We spend so much time in our heads that we stop listening to bodily sensations or even worse, discounting them because our mind or our ego 'knows better'.
Yoga and mindfulness are great places to start. As an experienced yoga teacher, I know exactly how to help people with this and I have created an online course, "Yoga for Sex", available on my sister website, allyouyoga.co.uk. There will be more offerings of this ilk coming soon, so do watch this space or subscribe to receive my newsletters for more deets straight into your box.
For more tailored and personal support, you can work with me in a one-to-one setting online.
All my love
If you have enjoyed reading this post, you might also like
Why regular sex check-ins are a great idea
Navigating menopause with confidence and sass
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