Do you want to be a better lover?

Clients who work with me are seekers of pleasure.

More pleasure for themselves and often more pleasure for the people they do-the-do with. It's important for them to become a more skilled or better lover. If you're yearning for a deeper understanding of sex or seeking to enhance your orgasmic experiences, you're in the right place.

As a seasoned sex coach, I'm here to guide you on this adventure, blending knowledge with a touch of lightheartedness.

So, buckle up, pop on your curious cap, and take notes if you need to.

Be curious about sex

Imagine lying in bed, gazing up at the ceiling, pondering the possibility of a more fulfilling sex life. What are the burning issues or questions? What things would you hope to learn and how will that impact your life?

Perhaps it's the desire to become a better lover or experience heightened pleasure that consumes your thoughts. But where do you begin? I'd hugely recommend speaking about it - if you play with a partner, that is the obvious choice. Or with a trusted friend or professional (🙋🏼‍♀️) if you're a solo expeditioner.

Some folk find it really difficult to talk about the kind of sex they would like, and I totally get that. As a society, we've been conditioned that even though it's something that's taboo and we don't discuss in polite company, it's something that we'll automatically be great at.

But how did you actually learn what to do??

It likely might be uncomfortable, but the more often you do it, the easier it will get. Trust me, I'm a professional.

Seek knowledge about sex

I'm sure you remember feeling as awkward AF during sex education classes. But it's time to put the big girl / boy pants on. You're a grown-ass adult now. If you were buying a new car, or a bicycle, or a microwave, you'd do your research. You'd likely look at technical data, probably even look for social proof in reviews or speak to your friend about it.

Same same, babe.

A quick Google search - will tell you lots. But of course, there are dubious producers of - ah-hem - content, so it's wise to read a variety of different materials. I'd wholeheartedly recommend not viewing mainstream porn as though it was an instructional video.

Libraries and bookshops are sexy places, people! There are a wealth of books on the topic of sex and sexology, heck, there might even be one with my name on one day.

Arm yourself with some wisdom.

Hands-on sexperience

As much as a literary tome turns me on, not all learning is from a book.

Whatever information you glean from these sources, allow it to digest and assimilate with your own experience so far.

And then put it into practice! Think of yourself as an adventurer, with this wonderful body to explore. You might even be lucky enough to have permission to explore someone else's body! Take your time, don't rush the delights, and I refer back to the first point; get curious!

Connected Sex

You know what? As much as sex is a serious thing, with lots of. moving parts, gadgets, gizmos and slippery lubricating fluids, it can be a laugh! I sometimes consider a steamy sex scene in a film and think that what is happening during sex is actually quite funny!

There will be smells - bodies are supposed to have smells, and not of the Chanel variety. Naturally smelling bodies are actually a turn-on to other people, even if it is a subconscious turn-on. There will be giggles, wee breaks & noises - you can't be pumping away in a moist space and expect there not to be queefs, farts or suction sounds!

But of course, it can also be deep and beautiful and hugely spiritual even. You don't need to be a practitioner of Tantra to experience this kind of oneness, unity, and spirituality.

What creates connected sex is exactly that; when you are entirely connected to what is happening - with or without another person.

Mindful sex is a thing - and it's hot!

Use your words before, during and after sex

None of us are born experts in the realm of sexuality, it takes knowledge and on-the-job training as well as exchanging information with your playmate of choice.

I'm not necessarily on about talking dirty to your sweetie, but when you're playing with a partner, communicating your needs and wants is so key to your enjoyment. As is the ability to listen to your partner's needs and wants - also as key to your enjoyment as to theirs.

The phrase 'happy wife, happy life' rings so true in the bedroom. It doesn't just relate to heterosexual dynamics, but if your partner is having a great time, you can beat yo' ass it will feel better for you as well! Turn-ons can be super infectious!

Be super clear about what YOU like and practice affirming things that feel good when your lover touches you.

How do you find out what you like? Self-pleasure, baby!! It's your training ground.

Your path to orgasm

You may have heard about the orgasm gap. It refers to a study about how frequently people orgasm during sexual activity.

TL:DR most people orgasm when they masturbate. During Sex with a partner, hetero men orgasm 85.5% of the time, gay men 84.7% of the time. Hetero women orgasm 61.6% of the time, lesbian women 74.7%

So the majority of women have the equipment and potential for orgasm, but it's far less likely during sex with a man.

Let's fix it, peeps!

Hetero guys, if you wanna learn more - I am here for that!!

m - heterosexual 85.5%, gay men 84.7%, bisexual men 77.6%

w - heterosexual 61.6%, lesbian women 74.7%, bisexual women 58.0%

Masturbation is our training ground for orgasm - and our brains will find the quickest and most efficient route. If you play solo and want to be having partnered sex that's working towards lasting longer, make your masturbation practice match your partnered epxectations! (ie, slow down, guys!!)

So there you have it

...my whistle stop tour of how to be a great lover.

Of course, it IS just a whistle stop tour, I've studied many hundreds of hours to wear my prized Certified Sex Coach badge. Just kidding, I don't have a badge - do you know where I can get one?

As well as exploring and playing, it's really important to keep yourself well-informed about your pleasure and that's why I offer re-education classes - online and in-person in my hometown of Nottingham, UK. Keep watching this space and I will drop a link into this blog post with some more details, or you can subscribe to receive my email newsletters which is where all the hot stuff goes first. I like to send a Foxy Friday email to remind you to tap into your saucy - some have told me I give good email 🤭

with pleasure,

Have you enjoyed reading this? I hope it's given you a sparkle or a tingle of curiosity.

If you have enjoyed reading this post, you might also enjoy reading

Why regular sex check-ins are a great idea

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Put it on to take it off

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