Flirting With Poly - Part 2

Perhaps you’ve already read my post, Flirting with Poly - Part 1? If not, check it out and pop back here when you’re done. I have a lot to say about the subject, so there’s sure to be more posts in a similar vein.

If you’ve read it, thank you for coming back for more.

I’m a sexology geek and have spent a lot of time reading super interesting studies on the subject of non-monogamy. Based on the information gathered and hoarded from my studies, I’ll summarise here...

From what we know of ancient civilisations, we lived in tribes and the old adage ‘it takes a village’ was literal.

People engaged in communal sex with different partners and multiple partners.

Indeed, our closest biological cousins, the bonobo still do.

In some cultures, as is still the case today, people engaged in same-sex relationships to learn from their elders, for social standing, for bonding, and for love. Lots of reasons.

Babies were born to a mother, but the whole of the village raised that child. Evolutionary speaking, the ovum (the egg cell) will choose the strongest, fittest of the sperm. The males of the group did not concern themselves with whose biological offspring it was, the child was simply the child of the village, as deserving of protection and love as any of the others.

Mother Nature really seemed to have had it sussed, didn’t she?

But of course, we human beans (deliberate typo) like to have the upper hand and so we created things like agriculture to manipulate and control what foods could be produced, and from there taxes and the feudal system, whereby land was divvy’d up to be maintained. Taxes were paid up the chain to the head honcho, ie the monarch.

To add a heavy dash of religion, the monarch was appointed by god and could only be succeeded by a male air. This trend fed down through the social system and males started to concern themselves with their worldly possessions (land) only passing to their male heir and so it became important to know categorically that the son was theirs.

The way to ensure this was to make sure that they had possession and sole use of a woman and her uterus with the contract of marriage. (It seemed fine for males to deviate from their contractual obligations because offspring outside of wedlock wouldn’t be entitled to the inheritance of wealth.)

Phew - it's a lot to process, right?

And you can see how this would have affected women who were bold enough to venture outside of their obligations for pleasure.

So how do I feel about it?

In my logical brain, I understand these things and am entirely non-judgemental of people living in non-monogamous relationships.

Yet a big part of who we are is based on emotion and attachment - we are complex creatures who do not need to live by one label or by one relationship construct. Jealousy, insecurity, comparison, imposter syndrome and all those wonderful things can come into play.

And we all have these things in varying amounts.

And we have differing perspectives to our partners.

And these things fluctuate with each person with the time of day, where you are in your menstrual cycle, your attachment style, how you feel in your relationship status, what colour your socks are today and whether or not it’s raining.

So it’s not surprising that these things can be tricky to navigate, is it?

Open and honest communication about your wants and needs is absolutely key, so I’d start there. Be completely clear about what kind of exclusivity you want within your relationship and talk about it. If you need any support with how to have these conversations, hit me up - I’ve had them personally and have helped other people with them.

If you’re new around here, you’ll see that my blog is steadily growing in content so I will be cross-referencing other blogs so you can keep yourself well-informed and lubed up, so do keep checking back in or save this post if you want to hear more about what I might say on topics.

I would LOVE to know if any of this information has been useful, and I welcome any additions or opinions that you have - let me know!

with pleasure

If you have enjoyed reading this post, you might also enjoy

Flirting with Poly - Part 1

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Top 5 Sex Club Tips for Nervous Newbies

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