Most teenagers would rather stick forks in their eyes than have their parents talk to them about sex.

And most parents would rather eat those forks than try.

But here’s the thing: if we don’t, who will?

Because by hook or by crook, if something looks like fun or feels good, they’ll find their own way.

As a mother, I want my sons to be healthy and have happy, nourishing relationships.

As a sexologist and sex educator, I want them to have informed, fun, respectful sexual relationships.

And as a woman, I want the younger generation of women to experience loving, joyful, well-informed partnerships with men.

That’s a tall order, I know. But fortunately I don’t embarrass easily, and I’ve learned that humour, honesty, and a little bit of sass are often the best sex education tools we have.

A Letter to My Teen (and Yours)

One of my sons definitely has a supply of eye forks reserved for certain conversations with me, so I found creative ways to communicate this big stuff with him. I originally wrote this for him and I tucked it in a bag with a box of condoms, and yes — he probably wanted to crawl into a hole when he saw it.

But sometimes, love looks like awkward conversations. Deal with it.

And here’s the thing: it’s not just about having condoms “just in case.” For me, it is more important to make them normal. Familiar. Un-scary.

As a yoga teacher, I notice the impact of negative or nocebo language ‘protect the knees’ or ‘look after your back’ implies that there’s something to be feared. I observe that danger-based intuit around condoms and I think it’s high time we changed that.

Condoms aren’t only about safety and rules. Condoms are also about pleasure. Confidence. Respect.

You can download the full letter as a PDF soon. But here’s a lil’ taster;

• Play around with them — get used to the texture, the smell, even the sound of the foil tearing.

• Hold the rim when you take it off. Trust me, stuff spills and that can undo the reason you used it in the first place.

• Tie a knot in the end, wrap it up, and bin it (never flush).

• Keep one handy. They do expire, so check the dates.

They’re the highlights of the practical but and the real message is this

Nothing screams thoughtful, considerate, and confident more than knowing your way around a condom.

That kind of consideration is sexy!

Why This Conversation Matters

Now years later as a certified sex coach, I’ve even introduced “condom play” for some of my adult male clients — especially those who hadn’t had sex with a woman yet. Incorporating condoms into masturbation helps them familiarise themselves with the feel, the fit, even the sensation. It takes the pressure off when they’re with a partner, because they’re not fumbling or panicking.

And girls? This is for you too.

Condoms aren’t just a “boy thing.” Buy a pack. Explore how they feel, smell, even taste. You might be surprised at how sensual — even a little sexy — they can be.

And here’s a shocker - is she gonna go there…..?

Yep watch me, cos here I go…

…masturbate with one. See how it feels in or around your vulva. It will feel different to your fingers or a sex toy.

Confidence around condoms is power.

I’ll tell you a secret: even when I wasn’t in a relationship, I carried a condom in my purse. Not because I had a boyfriend waiting in the wings (I didn’t) — but because a smart girl is always prepared.

A Brief Word on Stealthing

Let me be clear: removing a condom without your partner’s consent — stealthing — is a violation and a crime. As is tampering with a condom to affect its efficiency is a violation. Not sexy. Not clever. Not okay.

When you see them as part of pleasure, respect, and connection, they stop being about fear and start being about freedom.

To the Adults Reading This

Maybe you’re wincing at the idea of handing your teen a box of condoms. Maybe you’re thinking “God, I wish someone had said this to me.”

The truth is, it doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t need to find the “right words.” You just need to find some words. To open the door. Because here’s a novel idea; it shouldn’t really be a one-off conversation, but perhaps something that is spoken about as casually as you would a natural, normal, healthy past time. ‘Cos it is.

That’s why I made the letter into a PDF you can download here soon. Print it, give it to your teen, or use it to spark your own conversations.

Don’t forget, wherever you are in the world, I am on hand to help you out with these kinda parenting hurdles - don’t think you’d be the first person in the world to book a session with a sex coach to discuss sex education!

Teenagers might roll their eyes, but they are listening. And one day, they’ll thank you. (Silently. From another room. Probably never to your face.)

✨ Watch this space to download the full letter: A Letter About Sex (for my teen… and maybe yours)

with pleasure,

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Let’s talk about Stealthing

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