I was sent a dick pic

As of 5:33am on a Saturday morning, I became the very unwilling recipient of an unsolicited dick pic.

Lucky me.

I know… try to contain your jealousy.

You might imagine that as a coach who helps people with sex and pleasure that I’d be sent these all the time.

I’m not.

And just so we’re clear - I’m not missing out.

This isn’t about being “easily offended”

Being completely honest, I actually used to receive more of this kind of thing when I only posted about yoga and wellbeing.

Which raises an interesting question…

🤔 Was I perceived as easier to intimidate back then?

These days, I get fewer photos - but the sleazy messages still slip through.

One man quite proudly told me he didn’t need my professional help, he just enjoyed flirting with women on LinkedIn.

→ Delete

→ Block

But here’s the thing…

It made me really aware of the space I’m creating - and who I’m inviting into it.

Because I’m all in when it comes to pleasure.

But if your pleasure comes at the expense of someone else’s wellbeing?

That’s not pleasure - that’s harm.

Let’s be clear on who I actually help

The women I work with aren’t asking for explicit photos.

They’re not hanging out in DMs inviting that kind of attention.

They’re women who’ve spent years - decades, sometimes - caring for everyone else.

Holding it all together.

Being the good girl. The capable one. The one who just gets on with it.

And somewhere along the way… they’ve lost connection with their own bodies.

Their own desire.

Their own sense of what they even like anymore.

And this kind of behaviour matters more than people think

Because when I shared my experience on LinkedIn, something unexpected happened.

Women started messaging me. The same amount of women sought me out at business functions in the weeks that followed.

Quietly. Privately.

Some I knew. Some I didn’t.

One cried.

Others shared things they’d never said out loud before.

Stories of inappropriate comments brushed off as “banter.”

Moments of being touched and freezing.

Messages they didn’t respond to - but never forgot.

And that familiar, sinking feeling of something being off…

…but not wanting to make a fuss.

These moments might seem small to the person doing them.

But they’re not small to the person receiving them.

They stay.

It’s not just “a bit of fun” - it’s actually a violation

Let’s call it what it is.

Sending an unsolicited explicit image isn’t cheeky.

It isn’t confident.

It isn’t flattering.

It’s a non-consensual intrusion into someone’s space.

Their phone. Their day. Their nervous system.

And yes, also illegal in the UK.

Those who send or provide unwanted images or films of genitals, will face prosecution and could find themselves on the sex offenders register, fined and or imprisoned for up to two years ~The Crown Prosecution Service

But most women don’t need the law to tell them it’s not okay.

They feel it in their body. Immediately.

So why do some men do it?

I’ve had conversations about this - trying to understand the “why.”

And the truth is, in that moment, it’s probably not that deep.

Arousal can override logic.

People feel bolder. Riskier. Less inhibited.

But that doesn’t remove responsibility.

Because there’s still a choice being made.

And the impact of that choice lands squarely with the person on the receiving end.

The logical part of your brain basically shuts down during sex. There's a reason why people tend to feel bolder and less inhibited during sex – the part of your brain in charge of your logical reasoning skills temporarily goes on vacation. Science Alert

When we know better, we can do better

Now, in the interest of fairness - and growth - there’s something important I want to add.

A while later, I bumped into the man who sent the photo.

No excuses. No defensiveness.

He just offered a genuinely sheepish and sincere apology.

And I hadn’t even responded to the original message with my righteous anger.

So, does that undo it?

No.

But it does matter.

Because this is the bit that gives me hope.

That when someone understands the impact of their behaviour - not just the intention behind it - they can choose differently next time.

This is something I say to my clients all the time:

When we know better, we can do better.

Not from a place of shame.

Not from a place of “you’re a terrible human.”

But from a place of awareness. Because most of us weren’t taught:

• emotional intelligence

• sexual communication

• or how to truly consider another person’s experience

So we learn. We reflect. We adjust.

And we do better.

Here’s the part we don’t talk about enough

When women don’t feel safe…

They don’t open.

They don’t soften.

They don’t stay connected to sensation, curiosity, or desire.

They shut down.

Sometimes subtly. Sometimes completely.

And then we wonder why so many women feel:

• disconnected

• numb

• “just not that interested anymore”

It’s all connected.

And this is why my work matters

The work I do isn’t just about helping women feel more pleasure.

It’s about helping them feel safe enough in their bodies to experience it again.

To know what they want.

To trust what they feel.

To say yes when they mean yes -

and no when they don’t.

Without guilt. Without fear. Without second-guessing themselves.

And just in case it needs saying…

If someone wants and asks to receive a spicy photo from you?

Crack on.

That’s between two consenting adults.

But if they haven’t asked for it?

Keep it in your camera roll.

with pleasure,

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