Menopause with Confidence and Sass
Menopause with Confidence and Sass
I am a huge advocate for being honest about how you feel and being vocal about you like or don’t like in your sexy time.
But menopause can throw a great big-arsed spanner into all of that because it changes a great deal of things in a woman’s body, not least because sometimes what you like actually changes and you might find yourself not really knowing what you like anymore.
And if you’re in a relationship with a peri-meno warrior, it’ll likely shake things up for you as well.
I am not a menopause specialist, but basically menopause is a time when the sex hormones oestrogen and progesterone start to decline and the ovaries stop producing eggs to be either shed as menstrual blood or fertilised.
A woman is considered menopausal or post-menopausal when she has had at least 12 consecutive months without a period. This doesn't happen with the flick of a switch, it's a gradual process with oestrogen levels having a woop-di-doo ride on an extreme roller coaster on acid. This gradual process is what's known as peri-menopause and can last for around 10 years.
Loads of physiological functions are affected by this deficit of oestrogen - too many to list, and let me tell you, some of these symptoms are no party.
But you know me, I am all in for women’s pleasure and I’m your go-to gal for all things sexy and empowering. As a certified sex coach and peri-menopausal & proud woman, I'm here to tell you I have a little bit of a different approach to this journey, which is fraught with a really
really
really
LONG list of physical symptoms, not to mention the cognitive, emotional and social ones.
I recently had the pleasure of listening to Dr Alice Duffy of Health in Menopause speak at a Pause and Unite menopause meet-up in Nottingham and honestly, you could listen to the ways that a woman’s body is affected by the declining oestrogen and really feel like all is downhill doom and gloom.
Let’s de-bunk some things here because I love a good toss and there are two sides to each coin, so what if I shared with you my perspective that menopause can be a whole lot of twisting turns into an exhilarating journey of confidence, grace, new-found honesty and authenticity and a whole lot of sass.
Menopause isn't the end of the road
far from it.
It's a new chapter, a chance to rediscover yourself and embrace your sexuality like never before. Sure, it comes with its fair share of challenges – hot flashes, mood swings, brain fog and all that jazz are not well known for being a turn-on, but trust me when I say, the best is yet to come.
With this new age there comes a self-knowing that you very likely didn’t have in your twenties or thirties. Perhaps if you chose to have children they might be more independent now, perhaps if you invested time into your career, you will be well-established and successful, and maybe there is more time to concentrate on You.
I’m certain you’ll be far more likely to say ‘no’ to the things that don’t make you feel happy. And communicating these things is key.
Whether chatting with your partner or having a heart-to-heart with yourself, opening up about your desires, fears, and insecurities is the first step towards reclaiming your sexy. And remember, there's no shame in asking for what you want – whether it's more cuddles, slower lovemaking, or simply a listening ear.
And now onto the mechanics of pleasure - because, let's face it, it's what we're all here for...
Pleasure really knows no age limit.
We are sexual beings from before birth until we take our last breath, so it certainly doesn't disappear with menopause.
The ins and outs might literally become a little more awkward if vaginal dryness occurs, but that can happen at any stage of life with stress, illness or medication so even if dryness isn’t a deal for you in the bedroom, I’d highly recommend adding some lube to your toy box anyway because I really think it’s one of the best sex toys around - it makes everything so slippy and slide-y and yummy, whether you’re with a PlayPal or playing solo. Tickle this link if you’re interested to learn more about lube.
Indulge in your sensations because they’re likely to have changes with the differing levels of sex hormones in your body.
Who knows, you might even discover some new buzzy erogenous zones that you don’t know about.
Fun fact...
Did you know that a women is more likely to squirt or ejaculate in mid-later life?
But how do you squirt or even take any sexual pleasure if that’s the last thing on your mind? Women can indeed experience differences in the way or the frequency with which they want to fuck. For some libido seems an elusive beast that seems to swan in and out as it pleases.
But rather than chase it, how about leaving it be?
Over time, we like different everyday things in varying degrees so it’s only natural that our libido will change with our different experiences.
Now might be the perfect time to refresh and remind yourself of the things you like at this point in your life.
Start with the small things, the non-sexual things - like rediscovering an old hobby that sparks joy in you or finding simple pleasures throughout your day. If you start to notice and focus these seemingly little things - I like to call them Glimmers - , you can start to give attention to more things that bring joy - who knows, maybe even sexual pleasures with yourself or with a PlayPal.
Focus on nurturing your own desires and embracing the ebbs and flows of your sexuality. Sometimes it's about reigniting the spark within yourself, and other times it's about leaning on your partner or trusted friend for support and understanding.
These are all things that I will most definitely be making a song and dance about during my Inspired Sensuality event for International Women’s Day on 8th March 2024 in Nottingham - if you are nearby, I would absolutely LOVE for you to come along and join in because it will be giggly, sassy and a real celebration of what makes YOU sexy. In the interests of the theme Inspire Inclusivity - all life stages are welcome, but do be mindful that the content will be of an 18+ nature. And you don't need to be in a relationship either - you will definitely learn a few tips, tricks and techniques to up-level your pleasure game just for you!
One thing is for sure as a person journeys through peri- and post-menopause together, our sexy knows no bounds. It's a force to be reckoned with, and it only grows stronger with time.
So reframe it, embrace it, own it, and celebrate it in all its glory.
With love and endless sass,
I hope you've enjoyed reading this, if you have, you might also find interest in the following
Low libido? Give her an extra one in bed
Why regular sex check-ins are a great idea
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