As a certified sex coach, I can tell you that there’s a large population of adults who just can’t love their bodies enough to let another love their body. At any given time, I notice that regardless of the primary reason that someone has sought me out, when I dig a little deeper there is often an underlying theme of feeling that they are too fat, too skinny, too ugly, too wrinkly to even think that their partner actually fancies them enough to have good sex.

Even when their partner reassures them it’s not the case!

Perhaps you know where I’m coming from with this: you’re in a moment your partner suggests putting the light on 😱

Or they want to sit back and look at you in your full naked glory 😱 😱

Just off the top of my head, I can think of a couple of people who would be running for the hills at such a suggestion, so the idea that they might be comfortable enough to go full hot rodeo.

Even for those with less extreme poor body image concerns, being so ‘in your head’ has a huge effect on our ability to experience pleasure and orgasm during sex.

A bit of anatomy-porn for you; even though you might be turned on and all juicy in your genitals, the pleasure sensations are processed and interpreted in your brain - it’s where your orgasm happens, baby - so if you head is chock-a-block full of mean or bullshit things that your inner critic can scream at you, how much room is left for processing all of those fizzy feelings??

For some people, the first inklings of a Big O will start with the faintest glimmers of pleasure sensation - a wisp of hotness that we need to nurture and fan into full-blown flames to have that Meg Ryan moment. But these delicate little glimmers can be destroyed if concerns over your body image take over.

DESTROYED, I TELL YOU!!

And if that happens often enough, these beautiful little glimmers can retreat further and further, making it harder and harder to experience an orgasm in your body.

Babe! You deserve these orgasms!!

Negative body image is massively linked to low self-esteem and when you don't feel good about yourself, it can make you feel anxious and insecure, and can lead to performance issues which might progress to further unhappiness and relationship difficulties.

This is not a train I want you to be riding, hun!

When you tell yourself these unhelpful messages over and over you’re ugly, your cellulite is disgusting, nobody would find you attractive, you can start to believe them - it’s a vicious cycle!

But the great thing to know is that you are completely able to turn this around and start being the sexy beast that you are deep inside.

"...when things get juicy and squirty, you need that hydration..."

Self-esteem-building exercises are absolutely where I start with my clients who have these concerns.

What is it that you love doing that supports your body? Do you love to run / cycle / yoga / meditate / rock climb / dance? Do more of these things, your body will become strong, flexible and mobile.

And you need these things for bedroom gymnastics, right?

Never under-estimate the power of a regular sleep cycle - it is not going to help you get into sexy vibes if you’re knackered all the time. (Read this article for more of the skinny Low Libido? Give her an extra one in bed.)

Do you nourish yourself with good food and hydrate with fresh water? Believe me, when things get juicy and squirty, you need that hydration, know what I mean??

These are GREAT places to start and these are things that are within your own control and capabilities.

Can you be really honest with yourself? Can you truly appraise your body in an honest and kind way and appreciate the great bits about you rather than focus on the parts you’re not so keen on.

I'm going to be honest with you, now; this is the place where some people do struggle on their own and I know it's because your brain is super fucking powerful in reinforcing the messages that it thinks are true.

But this really is the key; being super honest with yourself and being able to talk with someone you really trust.

This might ideally be your sex partner(s) or a trusted friend is worth their weight in gold. But to really up-level your capacity for reframing these unhelpful beliefs around sex, I highly recommend having the support of a sex coach because believe me, they will have tips, tricks, and techniques that can work wonders in your bedroom.

The clients who seek me out for help with poor body image are on a winner because I also have a wealth of knowledge and experience from my years as an experienced yoga teacher.

I know how to help people feel love, pride, and appreciation for their body, so a great thing to do is begin relaxing and UN-learning all of the messages that you’ve told yourself.

You can start here with my free Positive Body Image Meditation Listeners have fedback that even after listening just a few times they notice a difference in how they see their body.

It might also be interesting for you to learn different ways to deal with stressful feelings, you can check out my online Dealing with Stress course on my yoga website.

I'll leave you with the assurance that this is entirely manageable and with just a few simple changes, you can change this situation for yourself. I hope this has been helpful, but of course, do get in touch if you would like my support, beautiful. x

If you’re new around here, you’ll see that my blog is steadily growing in content so I will be cross-referencing other blogs so you can keep yourself well-informed and lubed up, so do keep checking back in or save this post if you want to hear more about what I might say on topics.

I would LOVE to know if any of this information has been useful, and I welcome any additions or opinions that you have - let me know!

with pleasure,

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