Better Between The Sheets

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What if you don't want to masturbate??

Coaching and Sexology| Holistic

May 10, 2023•4 min read

What if you don't want to masturbate??

The month of May has fast become recognised as

Masturbation May

a time to say fuck it, crack your knuckles, and grab the vibe out of the drawer.

The reason for this month-long celebration of the benefits of self-pleasure is because the one-time Surgeon General, Jocelyn Elders was forced to resign her position under Bill Clinton’s government in the US because of her controversial opinions about masturbation and sex education.

The controversy?

She was a proponent of changing the abstinence-only approach to sex education in the US and of including masturbation as a topic to be taught to young people.

“As per your specific question in regard to masturbation, I think that is something that is a part of human sexuality and it's a part of something that perhaps should be taught. But we've not even taught our children the very basics. And I feel that we have tried ignorance for a very long time and it's time we try education”

~ Jocelyn Elders 1994

Heinous opinions, indeed.

NB she also spoke about racial equality, contraception, abortion, drug legislation, and endocrinology.

A super clever human.

Anyhoo, sex therapist Joanne Blank’s San Franscisco sex toy shop, Good Vibrations declared May to be the month of masturbation in support of the sex-positive work of Elders with a

Masturbate-a-Thon.

So there you have it, this is why lots of people on social media - myself included - jump up and down about the positive health benefits of masturbation before and throughout the month of May.

These include

✨ Improvement of sexual function (because of increased blood flow - use it or lose it, sista!)

✨ Increased immunity

✨ Reduced anxiety and depression

✨ Improved levels of the happy hormones such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine

✨ Reduction in inflammatory stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline

But what if, like me, you’re not the world’s best wanker?

Should we feel like we HAVE to masturbate because everyone seems to be feeling us that we to?

Should we fake it til we make it? (more on this concept another time!)

Should we be sharing information about our solo trysts if we don’t want to?

Stop Should’ing all over the place!!

To be clear, I do talk to people about masturbation.

Why?

Because of all of those above health-giving reasons, but also because it is actually the foundation of all partnered sex.

How can you know what you like when you’re in between the sheets with another if you don’t practice?

How can you tell another person what you like sexually if you don’t know yourself?

Because of the taboo, stigma and shame that surrounds this topic, I do also sometimes prescribe masturbation for many clients because we agree and set goals on these things together.

But, and here’s the magic, baby

YOUR BODY IS YOUR OWN

If you don’t want to masturbate, don’t!

If you want to masturbate, do!

YOU are in charge of your own pleasure, nobody else is.

And no one else has the right to tell you what to do with your body (unless that’s your kink, and that’s fine, sweetcheeks!), nor to expect a full debrief about your self-love practices.

In my role as a certified sex coach and clinical sexologist, I very often work with clients who simply feel like they need permission to be able to have pleasure in their bodies.

I reassure them that their desires are theirs alone and their body is beautiful and natural and normal.

This is an important pillar of my work with individuals, couples, and in groups settings and is definitely something I speak with all my clients about.

We all deserve sexual pleasure because it’s a key element of wellness, regardless of our age or life circumstance.

But it is for you to decide when, how, and who.

with pleasure,